Desert Star Page 4

  “I don’t remember shiiiiiiiit. There you go again, watching those gay stories all the time.”

  “It’s not a gay story. It’s about two rival gangs, the Jets and the Sharks. What’s gay about that?”

  Reggie, disgusted that Larsen had interrupted his game of cat and mouse with Raylene, picked her off the armchair, sat down, and put her on his lap. Raylene giggled for a moment, then her face grew ugly as she turned back to her son.

  “Well, um … I think what you’ve said just proves my p-p-point.”

  Larsen, working overtime to control his anger, quietly addressed his mother. “What point would that be?”

  “Well, you’ve got two gangs. Now you and me both know there’s a whole lot of testosterone in these boys. But what are they doing? They’re dancing in the streets like faggots. Real men don’t swish from side to side like that. Look at that one in the tight red shirt sticking his booty out. Like a goddamn mating call to see if the other one’s in heat.”

  Reggie howled with laughter. “Y’ain’t lyin’, Raye.”

  Snarling at Larsen, Raylene continued to rant. “Look at those boys, all snappin’ their fingers together.”

  “Oh, boy, Raye! Now the homeys are swishing their hips.”

  “They sure as fuck are. Now look at them. Making kissy sounds at each other. You gonna tell me that’s what heterosexual boys do?”

  “Mom, please. Just stop!”

  “Aw, hell, look at them now, piroufuckinetting through the streets of New York. Twirling like ballet dancers through the alley. Now you listen to me, Larsen. These boys in this damn movie have all taken years of ballet. You go to any ballet school in the country, and what you’re gonna find is a class full of almost all gays. And don’t you be trying to tell me no different.”

  Larsen put his head down. “Okay, so some of the dancers probably were gay men. Does it matter? It’s not a gay story. It’s a tragic love story. Tony and Maria’s story was inspired by Romeo and Juliet. You know, by William Shakespeare. And so what if it were a gay story? The dancing is beautiful to watch. Someday I’m gonna dance like that.”

  “You will never take a dance lesson while you’re under my roof, boy. What you’ve got is a trash pile of wasted asssspirations.”

  “I love musical theater. More than anything.”

  “Well, if God thought you should do this nonsense for a living, he’d have given you a voice for singing. Even the church choir didn’t want you.”

  “Just like you don’t want me.”

  Raylene pretended not to hear. “So, you went to that white boy’s house again.”

  “Yes, I went to River’s house again. His family likes me.”

  “They know you’re gay?”

  “Yeah, they know. I already told you that. And they don’t care. They just like me. Is that too difficult for you to comprehend? That someone could just like me for who I am? That the whole world doesn’t care about my sexual orientation?”

  “Hush up, boy. Turn off your fag DVD and go to your room. Leave Reggie and me alone.”

  “Come on, Mom. Can’t you two at least go into the bedroom?”

  Reggie, who still had Raylene on his lap, reached around and grabbed her breasts with both hands. “Maybe the boy wants to stay here and watch. Maybe that’ll be what cures him.”

  Larsen grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. “I can’t believe what I’m seeing and hearing. You should be ashamed, Mom.”

  “I am ashamed, boy! I am ashamed of you!”

  Unable to control himself, Larsen screamed back. “There’s no way in hell you could be as ashamed and as disgusted with me as I am with you. That’s impossible! You make me sick!”

  “Don’t you be talking to your mutherr like that!” Reggie fiddled under Raylene’s shirt. “Damn, woman, you got you one stubborn brassiere here. Unleash these hooters. I ain’t got all gotdam night.”

  Larsen shivered with revulsion, hurried into his small room, and slammed the door shut. He was almost sure this was child abuse, but if he called the authorities, they might not believe him. And God only knows where he might end up. At least in Mystekal he had friends now. That was more than he’d had in a very long time.

  Burying his head into his pillow and sobbing, he cried until he fell into a merciful sleep.

  Chapter 4

  Searching through his backpack, River finally remembered that he had shoved the latest class handouts from Eve Carrow into the front, zippered pocket. Reaching his hand in to retrieve it, he pulled out a piece of pink-lined notebook paper, folded in fourths. It was likely something Jax had slipped in there, just to torment him for being Larsen’s friend.

  Hey, Riv,

  I really enjoyed talking to you today at lunch. It’s pretty lame that it took me two years to get up my nerve, but better late than never.

  I think you’re hot and very cool. LOL! Wait! That makes no sense, but you get the idea. What I’m really trying to say is that I like you. You make me laugh. I’m thinking maybe you like me okay, too, but I get the idea that you might be shy when it comes to asking a girl out.

  Okay … so I’m going to be a bit rad and try to slip this note into your backpack at the end of the day. I hope you’ll find it SOON. Trust me, I’ve never asked a guy out before, but I was wondering if you’d like to go to the movies with me over the weekend. Or maybe next weekend if you’re busy or want to think about it for a while. I hope to hear from you soon. My number is 760-244 …

  River reread Gina’s note three times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. She was a cute girl, and right from the beginning, he felt comfortable with her. He was seventeen and had never asked a girl out before. He was way overdue, and Gina had made it easy for him.

  All he needed to do was to call her and then come up with some excuse to leave the house so that no one in his family would know.

  `*`*`*`

  When Larsen woke up the next morning, the first thing he did was check the living room. It was a squalid mess. Dirty plates and glasses lay overturned on the coffee table and floor. Ants were feasting on the crumbs from an empty package of crackers. His mother’s clothes were strewn everywhere, and she lay naked on the braided rug, snoring heavily. He had no idea when Reggie had left, and he didn’t care.

  He just knew he had to get out of the house. Brushing his teeth was a chore because his hand trembled as it gripped the brush. Larsen was not used to seeing his own mother naked, especially after having had sex with a near stranger, and he did not want to be around when she woke up. He hopped into the shower, got dressed, and quietly left the house, with no idea where he was going. It was too creepy to leave a note anywhere if it meant having to see her naked again. Even for a second.

  When he got outside, he remembered hearing Gina tell River that there were three films playing at the new-and-improved local movie theater. A dark theater would be the perfect place to lose himself and his troubles.

  `*`*`*`

  Larsen had three choices: a psychological thriller, a Hollywood superhero movie, and a film about an older couple struggling through a midlife crisis.

  He chose the third one, simply because it began an hour before the other two, and he wanted to go inside and sit down, even if he had to wait forty minutes for the film to start.

  He was the first person there. Larsen sat in the middle of the theater. He put his head back, closed his eyes, and tried to destress. He felt thankful he was anywhere but home. He had thought about calling River, but the last thing he wanted to do was to lose his welcome at the Dalworths’ home so soon after it had been extended.

  After sitting alone for a while, he heard a voice speaking to him. “Excuse me, son. Are you all right?”

  Larsen opened his eyes to see a kind-looking African American woman, in her late forties, sitting next to him.

  “I-I’m okay.”

  “You don’t look okay. I’m surprised to see a young man like you coming to a movie about older folks with marital problems. I’ve been sitting a
couple of rows behind you, off to the right, and I couldn’t help but notice that you seem very upset.” She stopped talking to smooth out the lap of her dress. “You know, this is really none of my business. I think I should go back to my original seat. Very sorry to have disturbed you.”

  “No, wait. It’s really nice of you to care about me. Not a lot of people … I mean, I’ll be okay …”

  “My name is Martha Joy. If there’s anything a stranger can do to help, I’d like to try.”

  “That’s nice of you, ma’am. But there’s nothing you can do. Just a bad scene at home, you know?”

  “Please, call me Martha Joy. Or just plain old Martha. But I do prefer Martha Joy.”

  “My name is Larsen. And you’re a very pretty lady. I wouldn’t call you plain at all. Or old.”

  Martha Joy managed a laugh. “Well, you’re very kind. I guess I’m not too shabby. Just not feeling very pretty today, that’s all.”

  “Well, you are.”

  “Sure I can’t lend an ear? Trouble with your parents?”

  “My dad died when I was eleven, and my mom hates me for being gay. She treats me like the scum of the earth. That’s why I’m here, just to get out of the house. When she leaves for work, I’ll go back home.”

  “Your mom works on a Saturday?”

  “Yeah, this is her best day, actually. She’s a waitress, and the crowds are bigger on weekends.”

  “I see. Well, no shame in being gay, Larsen. I know you don’t feel ’specially good right now, but there are a lot of gay men and women who struggle with their sexuality. Some can’t accept what they’re feeling, and others are so afraid of being scorned by family, friends, and the world at large that they stay in the closet. I think it’s wonderful that you are secure with who you are. That doesn’t make the hard times any better today, but having pride in yourself will serve you well in the future. Just try to remember that. And take it one day at a time. I’ve only known you two minutes, and I can already see what a fine man you are.”

  Larsen smiled. “Thanks. I really needed to hear that. I’ll remember those words, Martha Joy. Promise. I’m not sure what will happen in my life after I graduate from high school.”

  “You’re welcome, sweet child. Do you have a career in mind?”

  “I want to be in musical theater. I can act and dance, but I still need lessons. I can’t sing, though. All the lessons in the world won’t help me there, so I’ll probably just pursue acting. My mother thinks theater is for gays, and she doesn’t want any part of it. She said I’ll never take dance lessons while I’m living under her roof, even if I could pay for them myself.”

  “Listen to me, son. Everything about you tells me that you’re going to be a star. Your mama has her problems, God bless her, but you can’t let them become yours. If you do, you’ll never be all that you can be. You will be haunted by your past and stuck in a place where you can’t move on. Please hear me, Larsen.”

  “I-I do. I hear you, Martha Joy. Thank you. I mean it. I feel hopeful just talking to you.”

  “That makes my heart smile.”

  ”How about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “You’re just as sad as I am. I can see it in your eyes. And you said you’re not feeling very pretty today. Why not?”

  “Ah, it makes no never mind.”

  “It does to me. I care. Not that it matters. But I do.”

  Martha Joy glanced around the still-empty theater as if to make sure no one was within earshot. “I think my husband is cheating on me. We’ve been married for twenty-eight years. Guess he doesn’t find me attractive anymore.”

  “Are you sure? Did you catch him?”

  “No. But I just know.”

  Larsen pressed. “How do you ‘just know’ something like that?”

  “Well, he’s a truck driver. He used to work more, but the laws were changed to reduce the number of hours that a trucker can legally drive. You know, to keep the roads safe and all. But my husband doesn’t think I understand all that, and sometimes he tells me he’s working more hours than he actually is. Fool doesn’t think I notice a difference in his paycheck, either. Twice this week he said he was on the road, but I was in Palm Desert on Tuesday night, visiting our daughter, Ellie, who lives there, and I passed his truck outside this restaurant. I figured maybe he was there with his buddies and would come home later. But he never did.

  “Last night, he was home like always, and then around nine gets a call. Says he has to go help a buddy whose rig is stranded. Kind of gave me a bunch of double talk, but I tried not to pay it too much mind. ’Round three-thirty in the a.m., he comes home, crawls back into bed, smelling like a bottle of Jack Daniels mixed with a heavy dousing of cheap perfume. I pretended to be asleep. He fell out and snored like a freight train. Three hours later, his alarm goes off, and he’s back on the road.”

  Larsen had no words. He just stared at her.

  Martha Joy looked embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Larsen. So sorry. I had no right to burden you with my business. None whatsoever. Martha Joy White needs to mind her Ps and Qs.”

  “White. That’s your last name?”

  “That’s me. You sound surprised.”

  “Um … no. Not at all. Just wanted to make sure I heard correctly. Because, uh, maybe because someday, when I’m happy and successful, I’ll remember the pretty lady in the movie theater who spoke the kind words to me. And I’ll want to know who to thank.” Larsen exhaled, then took a deep breath. “You didn’t burden me at all. We just shared our problems, right?”

  “Yes, indeed we did. That’s very sweet of you to say. My heart is smiling again, but now it’s time for me to return to my seat. Your words are wise, Larsen. I do believe the good Lord brought us here for this short time to share our troubles and divide our pain. I’d like to think so, anyway. It was very nice meeting you. And just remember, life isn’t happy now, but it’s going to be glorious. I just feel it. Good-bye.”

  Before Larsen could say anything, Martha Joy was gone. He wanted to call after her, but he could tell she was uncomfortable sharing her problems, and under the circumstances, it was best to let her go.

  Larsen wondered. If Martha Joy was right, and if God had wanted them to meet, just to help one another, did God also want Larsen to know that his mother’s new sex partner happened to have a wife?

  `*`*`*`

  When the movie was over, at one-thirty, Larsen looked around the theater one more time for Martha Joy, but once again, he figured it was for the best that she was already gone.

  As he stepped outside the theater, wondering how to kill another hour before he could safely go home, he heard a female voice call his name from a distance. Expecting to see Martha Joy after all, he was surprised to see River and Gina together.

  Waving enthusiastically, Gina rushed over to him. River, who had never been seen with a date before, looked a bit embarrassed. Larsen hadn’t known River very long, but he easily recognized his friend’s awkwardness, and it amused him.

  “Hi, you two. Well, isn’t this a surprise!”

  Gina, who was glowing just being with River, spoke first. “Hey, Larsen. What are you doing here? Are you going to see a movie, too?”

  “Already saw one. Uncertain December.”

  River screwed up his face. “Dude, isn’t that about old people having a midlife crisis?”

  Gina laughed. “Well, if they’re having a midlife crisis, then they’re not that old.”

  “True. But still, how come you went to a movie in the morning, Lars, and how come you saw that one?”

  Larsen’s face fell. “Just needed a breather. It was the first show of the day, so my decision was kind of made for me.”

  “Some bad shit happened at home, didn’t it?”

  “Yeah. I’m not going to lie. But I’ll deal. You guys enjoy your movie, okay?”

  Gina gently took hold of his arm. “Hey, not so fast. You really look like you could use your friends right now.”

  �
��You’re da bomb, Gina. But I’m stepping out of the way here, okay? And you better get in line and get your tickets.”

  River disagreed. “Our movie doesn’t start for a half hour, and if we miss it, there’s one after that. Your shit is going down right now. Let’s go over to the Kalifornia Kafe and have a drink or something. On me. There’s an empty table right on the sidewalk. We can talk and watch the weirdos walk by, too.”

  Gina giggled and looked at River, her eyes sparkling. “What do you think, Larsen?”

  “I think that if I’m sitting next to my weirdo friend, River, I’ll be too distracted to see any street weirdos. A guy can only take in so much weirdoism, you know? You two rock, but I’m not into being a third wheel.”

  The more Larsen protested, the more certain River was that his friend was in trouble. “Come on, Lars. You’re not getting out of this one. Let’s grab that last table before someone else does.”

  `*`*`*`

  Gina and River listened in shock as Larsen recalled last night’s events, then described what he had seen in the living room upon waking.

  Horrified, River’s face displayed the extreme emotion he usually kept under wraps. “Man, that blows. I used to think I had it bad during the years my mom was gone, but this is so much worse.”

  “And you know what, Riv? There are a whole lot of people who have it way worse than me, and I bet they’d be happy to trade places. Sick as that sounds.”

  Gina agreed. “You’re right. Someone’s always got it worse, but that doesn’t make our stuff hurt less, just to know there are people out there who are really suffering. Well, I guess it does in one way, but not in another way. Like I told Riv, my mom is a drug addict. She’s been clean for years, but I always wonder if she’ll slip back into it. She started using when she was younger than we are. Was high off and on for years. My older sister, Taylor, got the brunt of it. So that’s why she’s so angry and messed up. Sorry for rambling. You never even knew her. Enough about my family. I only mentioned them to let you know that I haven’t lived a storybook life, either. But this is some bad stuff you’re going through. Bad enough dealing with Jax and Antonio at school, and bad enough having your mom hate on you for being gay, but everything else, wow, I mean, that just totally sucks.”